"When Leaders Fall"
- Adam had to deal with an extramarital affair that two of his staff members fell into.
- You have a responsibility for all involved: the sinners, those who are immediately impacted (their family, kids, etc.) as well as the congregation.
- You have to communicate according to the pastors' visibility.
- You have 4 options: say nothing, be evasive, scarlet letter (pronounce them as sinful and distance yourselves); or approach it with transparency, honesty, and compassion in which you articulate the consequences and remind people that they are the church who is called to be the church - to reach out to broken people.
- Integrity has two sides: when you are a pastor, you have expectations put on you by the congregation, and you have to honor that trust. But, the congregation has to have integrity by being the church even to its pastors.
- Get ahead of the rumor mill with grace, honesty, and compassion... even if it's via email before a congregational meeting.
- When people catch wind of these types of things in church, they draw near, hoping that their expectations of the church (hypocritical, pharisaical, etc.) would be reinforced.
- Surprise outsiders and insiders by preaching not about those who were caught in their sin but by the sinful condition of the rest of us.
- These moments can be defining moments of the congregation: "Who are you, really, when you feel betrayed? Will you be the kind of church that waits with your stones in hand, or are you the kind of church that will realize that you have no right to throw stones?"
- There are consequences for sin. But the goal is grace.
- No matter how you handle it, there will be people who will leave your church. But, how you handle it can reestablish trust that is based on the gospel.
How to prevent sexual misconduct:
- Staff Covenant - signed every year by the staff, including policies about where you can go with people who are not your spouse.
- If something looks like a date, and smells like a date, we're calling it a date.
- Have a meeting twice a year with your staff where you talk about sexual misconduct with your staff.
- 3 Drives: we are all human beings who are wired for sexual reproduction; we are all wired for sexual intimacy; and we have a drive to sin.
- We have to be careful, because being a good minister sometimes equates to being attractive.
- We have to be careful, because we are dealing with vulnerable places in people's lives.
- It is helpful to think of temptation in repulsive terms: like a dog who can't resist rooting through the cat's litter box.
- Recognize the "moment of the maybe" - the point at which you wonder "what if," allow sin to gestate, and start to imagine what it would be like... instead of allow rationality to inform what it will really be like to the ones you love.
- Don't let the devil ride, because he'll want to drive.
5 "R's" of resisting temptation:
- Remember who you are: a child of God, a follower of Jesus Christ, a leader in the church, a father, a husband, a mother, a wife. Declare these and pray for help every day.
- Consider the consequences of every action: how will I feel? Will I be more or less human? Would I want my congregation to know about it? Will people still trust me? It is helpful to fantasize about the worst possible outcome.
- Rededicate your self to God. In the moment you find yourself tempted, you should stop and drop to your knees in prayer.
- Reveal your struggle to a trusted friend. James 5:16. Part of the power of temptation is the power of secrecy. When you tell someone about it, it has less power, and your friend is able to keep you accountable.
- Remove yourself from the situation. In the sermon on the mount, sometimes you have to take radical steps to protect yourself... even leaving your current church if there is something there to tempt you.
We are called to be sanctified, and yet all of us are tempted. There are consequences when we fall. But the final word of the church must not be a word of judgment, but a word of grace. We serve a Lord who was a friend of sinners - drunkards, prostitutes, and cheats.
The gospel is for sinners.
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